Everything in life can be beautiful if you just look for the reality within everything you see, it's simply really.
How
How do you figure out the truth when your mind won’t show it to you.
It keeps hiding from me, and I would give anything for even just a moment of clarity and this sick feeling to leave my stomach.
I don’t need anyone else to make me happy.
I only need me and the big man upstairs, and maybe some time in the near future I’ll learn that not everything is the end of the world. I can take chances and still be me.
Ugh, the world of my brain is far too annoying
You are untouchable.
People will judge you for the strangest things. They’ll judge you for the clothes you wear and whether or not you wear the right amount of makeup, or if you aren’t skinny enough by society’s definition or if you say things like “Dads are totally hot, when they’re hot dads.”
People will judge you for the surface of your person. For your skin, for its perfection or lack there of, for your shape, for your voice and your hair style, but you know what’s funny about that? I take comfort in that fact.
I take comfort in knowing that when someone who doesn’t know me decides to make a judgement call about who I am, saying I’m weird or not pretty enough or I don’t have enough “swag” I just laugh because who they’re judging isn’t even me. That person didn’t even take a damn minute to figure out who it is that I ACTUALLY am!
They don’t know my birthday or my parents names or how much sugar I take in my coffee or how big my heart it.
So when people judge you or try to make you feel inferior remember that they haven’t taken the time to see the real you so they can never really reach you.
Your surface will always have imperfections, I mean its your outer layer; your protection it makes sense you know? But who you ARE, I mean who that beautiful person is inside of you, the one that is one of a kind and can offer something to this world that literally no one else can, will always be safe if you remember that truly,
you are untouchable.
This is still love.
Do you remember a time before this one? A moment that came and went like a breath you took? I feel as though its always been a problem for me, always looking into the past. Its always felt like a blessing and a curse; it makes it hard for me to let go of the bad things, but easy to remember the beautiful ones.
I recall so many wonderful, simple things. Uncomplicated; untouched; pure in the most innocent and real sense. I feel as though some of those things that came before now; the things like innocence and unadulterated, real love almost seem unfathomable. Sometimes I remember believing in a love that would lift me up and take me away to the places I dreamt about in my wildest and craziest nights of sleeplessness. I was sure it would come and that it would change me and save me and correct all of my wrongs. I was sure.
The problem is, I set myself up for disappointment from day 1 because I created a love in my mind that doesn’t exist in this world. Perfect love isn’t real; there is no one perfect person, no one perfect love. But there is real love, there is beautiful, unconditional, unlimited, mind numbing, all consuming love. Its out there, I’ve seen it. I see it between some of the most important people in my life. I see all of these different types of love.
For instance, growing love. A love thats just started out; still blossoming into something more, somewhat shy but so excited and willing to learn more; to become all that it can be. I’ve seen the kind of love that makes people fight with passion and make love with passion and scream out in fury and scream out in love and I’ve seen a quiet settled love that simply seems content as it sits with its perfect mate; connected forever always glimmering and never truly faltering even through many obstacles. And I’ve seen love that leaves you broken hearted, crying out for more love to fix the love that just left. At the end of the day, what we live for on this earth is love. Not necessarily romantic love even, just…love.
It is everything. Its in how you choose to live your life, how you choose to see the world and the people and opportunities in it. Its the most intense, unbelievable, unfathomable, wonderful thing I’ve ever seen; I’ve ever felt.
I’ve never been in a love before that has surrounded me with another set of arms. Well I have, but its never lasted. I used to always daydream of that love, but you see in daydreaming about that love I forgot to live in my own reality; in my own moments.
I still want that imperfect, all consuming beautiful love to fill up my heart so big it hurts because its so good. But more so I want to feel it within myself without the help of anyone else. I want to feel it from simply being here, in this moment, alive. To feel the love of God and the warmth of a sun and the cares of a hug from the wind and a humbling night sky. That is still love.
I want to look in the mirror at my body the way it is now, with rolls and imperfections and indentations and scars and truly fall in love with every part of myself. That is still love.
I want to wake up in the morning and go running in my old sneakers and have to stop to catch my breath because I was running so fast I forgot I couldn’t breath, but I’m still proud of myself. That is still love.
I want to look you in the eyes one day and tell you every deep thought I’ve ever had about us; every idea and long line in my mind that brought me to you; that brought you to me. I want to tell you how I really feel with no hesitation no matter the consequences and move on and learn to love again anyway. That is still, love.
I want real love. I want it for myself. I want it from myself. I want to give it to everyone I see; meet, touch. I have this growing desire, this pain inside of me to give more than I even have. To use up every last ounce of the unconditional love inside of me. I want to fall in love with my whole being, body, mind and spirit and with the imperfections of this world and with the people of this world.
I want to fall in love and never be able to emerge.
I want to tell you that I love you so much; that if things were different some day, if you could tell me all of the things you’re afraid to tell me now; if we could stop running and just be; just be happy.
I want to tell you, that in that moment, I’d be yours forever. And even if that moment never comes, I still have this one. And nothing will ever quite feel like this again; nothing will ever be this exact moment ever again.
This is still, love.
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I have come to the realization
that no matter where I am, for some reason I will inevitably hear someone in the near vicinity having sex.
Always. WHY GOD, WHY!?
To find out
Sometimes it can suck to find out you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were. Or maybe you just mean something different than you initially thought you did.
I’ve learned that in relationships we often drift towards the familiar, something we’ve always known so that it won’t be too scary. The thing is, what happens when what you’ve known hasn’t always been the best kind of relationship?
What if you’re used to feeling inadequate or only necessary for certain tasks? What if you only ever let in the people who will use you the way you’ve always been used because that’s what makes sense to you?
And then there are those beautiful moments when you meet someone completely different. Someone new to open up your world in a completely different way, but the timing is never on and you keep passing up opportunities to explore what it could be because you’re scared; and they’re scared.
When do you bite the bullet? When do you simply start gasping for air and running towards the finish line with no hesitation?
I’m supposed to wait to be chased right? Thats how I’ll know who the right one is right?
But what if the boy chasing is just as scared, just as unsure, just as much deserving of being chased. Do I make that next move? Or do I keep waiting?
Thing is, I’ve been waiting all my life. I think it’s about time I just through caution to the wind and just go for it.
I may however, take a shot before said jumping. And I’ll make no apologies for that.
Video reblogged from This could be fiction. with 363 notes
How to: Bikini Body in Two Steps!
Source: stefanipaige
Caught Red Handed
I feel like I committed some kind of crime. I feel like being unsure and quiet and sometimes yielding had made people resent me and turn from me. I feel like this is the pattern I’ve been going through for most of my life. People see me on some kind of deeper level, or I screw up, and I either run or they walk away. There are just some people you never think will ever change in your life; people whom you think will always be there, will always love you no matter how badly you mess things up.
Lately, I can’t remember if I’m the problem or if I’ve just been the subject of very many of them.
I really need to go to church. Jesus never fails.
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I’m not always sure
Of what to do or how I feel. But I’ve come to realize that I care a lot less about what other people think of my choices than I used to. There comes a point where your life has to be completely yours. In fact, really, it should always have been, but in my case I let it get away from me for a while.
But I’m on that continual search for finding the things that I truly want; the things that will truly make me happy. I slip up sometimes; at times I forget to speak my mind, thats where I have to improve, but thats okay. I can do that.
You get to know people. You let them into your heart, some will be wrong choices others will be safe, others will be right. It doesn’t really matter which is which because you’ll make them all and you’ll figure it out along that way.
So I don’t feel bad for anything because I’ve learned a lot, and I’ve loved a lot, and I’ve screwed up but I love recklessly and whole heartedly. I love my friends this way, I love people in general this way, I love you this way, and I’m beginning to love myself this way.
Good day, good day I s’pose.
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